I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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