"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
