Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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