OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
