yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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