I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
