he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
