4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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