"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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