I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
