We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
