I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
