Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
