oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
