the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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