I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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