I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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