Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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