jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
