No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
