I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
