I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
