Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
