I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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