youre lurking in front of me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
