not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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