dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
