i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
