Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Blood and glitter go together right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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