i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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