I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
