Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
