I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
