Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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