she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
