this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
