best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You took a bar mat shot.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
