Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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