He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
