Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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