I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
