how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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