he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
