And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
