And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
