My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
