you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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