it hurts more in the daytime
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
