I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
