Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
