Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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