the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
