I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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