"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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