Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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