I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
