I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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