There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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