Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
