my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
