she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
FUCK WHALES
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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