am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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