A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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