shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
