Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do vagina's smell?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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