I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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