It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
